Third Dwelling.
Chapter 2.

I have known many people who have reached this state. Some have even lived for years with uprightness and order, in both soul and body, at least as far as one can see. After so long, one would think they ought already to have risen above worldly things, or at least to have become thoroughly disillusioned with them.

But when His Majesty tests them in things that are not very great, their hearts fill with such anxiety and distress that they left me bewildered and even quite afraid. There is no way to advise them. Because they have spent so long trying to live virtuously, they think they can already teach others. They also think they have every reason to feel this way about these things.

In the end, I have found no way to console such people. The only thing that seems to help is to show them that one is very sorry for their suffering, because it truly is sad to see them so subject to this misery.

It is also best not to contradict them too much, because in their minds all their reasons are already arranged. They believe they feel that sorrow for God’s sake, and so they never quite understand that this anxiety can also be an imperfection.

This is another deception that can affect even people who have advanced far in the spiritual life. It is not unusual for them to feel these things. But, in my view, when small matters are involved, the feeling ought to pass quickly.

For God often wants his chosen ones to recognise their own misery. He then withdraws his perceptible help a little, and that is enough to make us know ourselves very quickly.

When the trial comes from God, the person clearly sees their failing. Sometimes it hurts more to realise that they are still disturbed by earthly things, and not particularly serious ones, than the thing that caused the sorrow itself. I consider this a great mercy from God. For although that anxiety is a fault, it can leave a very great gain: greater humility.

They do not recognise that anxiety as a fault. On the contrary, in their thoughts they justify it as something holy. Because they see it that way themselves, they would like others to see it in the same way too. I shall give some examples, so that we can understand one another better and examine ourselves before the Lord puts us to the test. It would be a great thing to be prepared and to have come to know ourselves first.

A wealthy person, with no children or anyone to whom to leave their fortune, loses part of their possessions. But the loss is not so great that they lack necessities. They still have enough for themselves and their household, and more to spare. If this person lives in such anguish and anxiety as though they had not even a piece of bread left to eat, how could Our Lord ask them to leave everything for him?

One might say here that it hurts because they wanted to use that money to help the poor. But I believe God wants more for me to accept what His Majesty allows and, while trying to do good, to keep my soul at peace. That is worth more than an act of charity carried out with so much anxiety.

If the person cannot yet live in that way, because the Lord has not yet brought them to that point, that is all right. But they must understand that they still lack freedom of spirit. By recognising this, they can become better disposed to receive that freedom, and will then ask the Lord for it.

A person has enough to eat, and even more than enough. Then an opportunity arises to receive more possessions. If these are given to them, well and good; they may accept them. But deliberately pursuing them is another matter. And after acquiring more, continuing to seek still more and more.

Even if their intention is good—and surely it is, because we are speaking of prayerful and virtuous people—they must not think that in this way they will easily rise to the dwellings closest to the King.

The same happens when these people feel despised, or when someone takes away a little of their honour. God often grants them the grace to bear it well outwardly. This may be because God wishes to protect the virtue others see in them, so that it is not discredited before others. It may also be because they have served him, and our God is very good and generous.

But although they bear it well outwardly, inwardly an anxiety remains that they cannot master. That inner wound does not heal so quickly.

God help me! Are these not the same people who have spent so long meditating on how much the Lord suffered? Are they not the very ones who know how good it is to suffer for him, and even say they wish to suffer?

Yet when it falls to them to endure a small slight, they become upset.

Moreover, they would like everyone to live as orderly a life as they do. May God grant that they do not deceive themselves into thinking their distress comes solely from other people’s faults.

For then they can turn that anxiety, in their own minds, into something meritorious. In other words, they may think they are suffering in a holy way over someone else’s fault, when in reality what still hurts is having lost a little honour.

You may think, sisters, that I am speaking of irrelevant things that have nothing to do with you. Here we have no possessions, nor do we want or seek them. Nor is there anyone who takes away our honour in that way.

So these examples do not describe exactly what happens to us. But many other things that can happen may be drawn from them. It would not be good to point them out one by one, nor is it necessary. Through these examples you can understand whether you are truly detached from what you left behind.

For small occasions always arise, though they may differ from these, in which you can test yourselves very well. There you can see whether you really are mistresses of your passions or whether your passions still rule you. Believe me: what matters is not whether one wears a religious habit. What matters is striving to live the virtues and surrendering our will to God’s in everything.

Let the ordering of our life be what His Majesty wishes to arrange, not what we wish to impose. It is not our will that must be done, but his.

If we have not yet reached this point, as I have already said, let us turn to humility. Humility is the ointment for our wounds. For if there is true humility, even if it takes some time, the surgeon, who is God, will come to heal us.

The penances these souls do are as measured and orderly as their entire lives. They take great care of their health because they want to use it to serve Our Lord. There is nothing wrong with this. So when they do penance, they do so very prudently, taking care not to harm the body.

There is no need to fear that they will go too far, because their reason is very alert. They do not yet have so great a love that it makes them forget themselves. But I wish we would use that same reason not to settle for serving God in so slow and measured a way. For if we always go forward in tiny steps, we shall never finish advancing along this path.

Because we think we are indeed moving forward, and because we grow tired—this path is burdensome—we already think it enough not to lose our way. But tell me, daughters: if we could get from one place to another in eight days, would it make sense to take an entire year, passing through inns, snow, rain and bad roads? Would it not be better to get through all that at once? For on this path there is weariness, difficulty and danger. There are even dangers from snakes.

Oh, how much I could say about this from experience! May God grant that I have already passed beyond it, because often it seems to me that I have not.

Because we proceed so cautiously, everything affects us, for everything frightens us. That is why we dare not go forward. It is as though we thought we could reach these dwellings without walking the path ourselves. But that is impossible.

So let us make an effort, my sisters, for love of the Lord. Let us place our reason and our fears in his hands. Let us not be held back so much by this natural weakness, which can preoccupy us too greatly.

Leave the care of these bodies in the hands of your superiors. Let them attend to it. Let us concern ourselves with hurrying on to see this Lord.

For although you have few comforts or none, excessive concern for health can also deceive us. I know that taking so much care of it does not necessarily preserve it better.

I also know that spiritual progress depends chiefly not on the body but on the soul. What matters most is to walk with very great humility.

If you have understood this well, I think the harm in those who do not advance lies here: they do not truly believe they have travelled only a little way. The right thing would be to think we have made very little progress, and truly believe it.

We should also regard our sisters’ progress as though they were moving much faster than we are. We should not only wish to be considered the least of all, but strive to live in such a way that they regard us so.

With this humility, this state is excellent. But if that humility is lacking, we may remain in the same state throughout our lives, with many sorrows and miseries.

For until we have let go of ourselves, the path becomes very difficult and burdensome. We carry too much of the earth of our own misery. By contrast, those who rise to the remaining dwellings no longer carry such a load.

Even so, in these dwellings the Lord does not fail to reward us. He does so justly and also mercifully, because he always gives us far more than we deserve.

He gives us satisfactions far greater than those we can find in life’s pleasures and distractions.

But I do not think he gives many inward delights in this state, only occasionally. When he does, it is like an invitation: he lets them glimpse a little of what is experienced in the other dwellings, so that they may take courage and prepare to enter them.

You may think that satisfactions and delights are the same thing, and that there is no point distinguishing between the words. But to me the difference seems very great, although I may be mistaken.

I shall explain my understanding of this in the fourth dwellings, which come next. That will be a more appropriate place to speak of the delights the Lord gives the soul.

Although this explanation may now seem of little use, it can help some people. By understanding what each thing is, they will be better able to strive for what truly matters.

It can also be a great consolation for souls God brings that far. And for those who think they already possess everything, it can help them recognise how much they still lack.

If they are humble, this will move them to thank God. But if they lack humility, they will feel a kind of inward displeasure, without any real benefit.

For perfection does not lie in feeling spiritual delights. Perfection lies in loving more. The reward, too, will go to whoever loves most and acts best, with justice and truth.

You may think that if this is true, as indeed it is, what purpose is served by speaking of these inward graces and explaining what they are like? I do not know. Ask the person who told me to write this. I am not obliged to argue with my superiors, but to obey. Arguing about it would not be right.

What I can truthfully tell you is this: when I had not yet experienced these inward graces, and did not even imagine that I ever might, reading about them gave me immense consolation.

I was right not to expect them for myself, because it would already have seemed enough to know, even if only through signs, that I pleased God in some way.

Yet when I read in books about the graces and consolations the Lord gives souls that serve him, I received great consolation. It moved my soul to praise God greatly.

If my soul, poor and wretched as it is, did this, good and humble souls have far more reason to praise the Lord. Even if only one person came to praise him once because of it, it would already seem worth saying.

It also helps us understand how many satisfactions and delights we lose through our own fault. For when these consolations come from God, they are full of love and strength. With that strength, the soul can walk with less difficulty and grow more in works and virtues.

Do not think it matters little to do everything possible on our part. For when the fault is not ours, the Lord is just. If His Majesty takes something from us in one way, he will give it to us in another, according to his knowledge.

His secrets are deeply hidden, but without doubt he will give us what is best for us.

What I think would do us great good, those of us who through the Lord’s goodness are in this state, is to practise prompt obedience frequently. This state is no small mercy, as I have already said, because these souls are very close to rising further.

Even if a person is not a religious, it would be very good to have someone to turn to, rather than always doing their own will. For doing our own will is what most often harms us.

But it is not advisable to seek someone who thinks just as we do, or shares our way of seeing things, and who also measures everything too cautiously.

Rather, it is best to seek someone who has become thoroughly disillusioned with worldly things.

Keeping company with such a person helps immensely. For someone who already knows the world well also helps us to know ourselves.

Moreover, there are things that seem impossible to us. But when we see others living them, and see how gently they bear them, it gives us great courage. It is as though, seeing them fly, we also dared to fly. That is what little birds do when they are learning. At first they cannot make a long flight, but little by little they imitate their parents. This helps enormously. I know it from experience.

Although these people are firmly determined not to offend the Lord, they would do well not to enter situations where they might offend him. For they are still close to the first dwellings and could easily return to them.

Their strength is not yet founded on firm ground, as it is for those who have practised suffering greatly. Those souls already know the storms of the world and know there is little to fear in them and little to desire in its satisfactions.

But these other souls could still retreat if a great persecution came upon them. The devil knows very well how to bring them down in order to harm us.

It may even happen that someone, with good intentions, sets about correcting the sins of others, but afterwards lacks the strength to bear the consequences.

Let us look at our own faults and stop looking at those of others. It does not become such orderly people to take scandal at everything. That person who scandalises us may have something important to teach us in what matters most.

Perhaps we have the advantage in outward composure, or in how we behave and treat others. That is good, but it is not what matters most. Nor is it necessary to want everyone to follow our own path. It is not advisable for someone to set about teaching the spiritual path who may not yet understand it well. For even with the desires God gives us for the good of souls, sisters, we can make many mistakes.

So it is better to stay close to what our Rule says: ‘Strive always to live in silence and hope.’ The Lord will take care of their souls. As long as we do not cease to plead with His Majesty for them, we shall do much good with his favour.

May he be blessed for ever.

Yo he conocido algunas almas, y aun creo puedo decir hartas, de las que han llegado a este estado, y estado y vivido muchos años en esta rectitud y concierto, alma y cuerpo, a lo que se puede entender, y después de ellos que ya parece habían de estar señores del mundo, al menos bien desengañados de él, probarlos Su Majestad en cosas no muy grandes, y andar con tanta inquietud y apretamiento de corazón, que a mí me traían tonta y aun temerosa harto. Pues darles consejo no hay remedio, porque, como ha tanto que tratan de virtud, paréceles que pueden enseñar a otros y que les sobra razón en sentir aquellas cosas.

En fin, que yo no he hallado remedio ni le hallo para consolar a semejantes personas, si no es mostrar gran sentimiento de su pena (y a la verdad se tiene de verlos sujetos a tanta miseria), y no contradecir su razón; porque todas las conciertan en su pensamiento que por Dios las sienten, y así no acaban de entender que es imperfección; que es otro engaño para gente tan aprovechada; que de que los sientan, no hay que espantar, aunque a mi parecer había de pasar presto el sentimiento de cosas semejantes. Porque muchas veces quiere Dios que sus escogidos sientan su miseria, y aparta un poco su favor, que no es menester más, que a osadas que nos conozcamos bien presto. Y luego se entiende esta manera de probarlos, porque entienden ellos su falta muy claramente, y a las veces les da más pena estar de ver que, sin poder más, sienten cosas de la tierra y no muy pesadas que lo mismo de que tienen pena. Esto téngolo yo por gran misericordia de Dios; y aunque es falta, muy gananciosa para la humildad.

En las personas que digo, no es así sino que canonizan -como he dicho- en sus pensamientos estas cosas, y así querrían que otros las canonizasen. Quiero decir algunas de ellas, porque nos entendamos y nos probemos a nosotras mismas antes que nos pruebe el Señor, que sería muy gran cosa estar apercibidas y habernos entendido primero.

Viene a una persona rica, sin hijos ni para quién querer la hacienda, una falta de ella, mas no es de manera que en lo que le queda le puede faltar lo necesario para sí y para su casa, y sobrado. Si esta anduviese con tanto desasosiego e inquietud como si no le quedara un pan que comer, ¿cómo ha de pedirle nuestro Señor que lo deje todo por él? Aquí entra el que lo siente porque lo quiere para los pobres. Yo creo que quiere Dios más que yo me conforme con lo que Su Majestad hace y, aunque lo procure, tenga quieta mi alma, que no esta caridad. Y ya que no lo hace, porque no ha llegándole el Señor a tanto, enhorabuena; mas entienda que le falta esta libertad de espíritu, y con esto se dispondrá para que el Señor se la dé, porque se la pedirá.

Tiene una persona bien de comer, y aun sobrado; ofrécesele poder adquirir más hacienda: tomarlo, si se lo dan, enhorabuena, pase; más procurarlo y, después de tenerlo, procurar más y más, tenga cuan buena intención quisiere (que sí debe tener, porque -como he dicho- son estas personas de oración y virtuosas), que no hayan miedo que suban a las moradas más juntas al Rey.

De esta manera es si se les ofrece algo de que los desprecien o quiten un poco de honra; que, aunque les hace Dios merced de que lo sufran bien muchas veces (porque es muy amigo de favorecer la virtud en público porque no padezca la misma virtud en que están tenidos, y aun será porque le han servido, que es muy bueno este Bien nuestro), allá les queda una inquietud que no se pueden valer, ni acaba de acabarse tan presto. ¡Válgame Dios! ¿No son estos los que ha tanto que consideran cómo padeció el Señor y cuán bueno es padecer y aun lo desean? Querrían a todos tan concertados como ellos traen sus vidas, y plega a Dios que no piensen que la pena que tienen es de la culpa ajena y la hagan en su pensamiento meritoria.

Pareceros ha, hermanas, que hablo fuera de propósito y no con vosotras, porque estas cosas no las hay acá, que ni tenemos hacienda ni la queremos ni procuramos, ni tampoco nos injuria nadie. Por eso las comparaciones no es lo que pasa; mas sácase de ellas otras muchas cosas que pueden pasar, que ni sería bien señalarlas ni hay para qué. Por estas entenderéis si estáis bien desnudas de lo que dejasteis; porque cosillas se ofrecen, aunque no de esta suerte, en que os podéis muy bien probar y entender si estáis señoras de vuestras pasiones. Y creedme que no está el negocio en tener hábito de religión o no, sino en procurar ejercitar las virtudes y rendir nuestra voluntad a la de Dios en todo, y que el concierto de nuestra vida sea lo que Su Majestad ordenare de ella, y no queramos nosotras que se haga nuestra voluntad, sino la suya. Ya que no hayamos llegado aquí -como he dicho- humildad, que es el ungüento de nuestras heridas; porque, si la hay de veras, aunque tarde algún tiempo, vendrá el cirujano, que es Dios, a sanarnos.

Las penitencias que hacen estas almas son tan concertadas como su vida; quiéranla mucho para servir a nuestro Señor con ella, que todo esto no es malo, y así tienen gran discreción en hacerlas porque no dañen a la salud. No hayáis miedo que se maten, porque su razón está muy en sí; no está aún el amor para sacar de razón; mas querría yo que la tuviésemos para no nos contentar con esta manera de servir a Dios, siempre a un paso paso, que nunca acabaremos de andar este camino. Y como a nuestro parecer siempre andamos y nos cansamos (porque creed que es un camino abrumador), harto bien será que no nos perdamos. Mas ¿paréceos, hijas, si yendo a una tierra desde otra pudiésemos llegar en ocho días, que sería bueno andarlo en un año por ventas y nieves y aguas y malos caminos? ¿No valdría más pasarlos de una vez? Porque todo esto hay y peligros de serpientes. ¡Oh, qué buenas señas podré yo dar de esto! Y plega a Dios que haya pasado de aquí, que hartas veces me parece que no.

Como vamos con tanto seso, todo nos ofende, porque todo lo tememos; y así no osamos pasar adelante, como si pudiésemos nosotras llegar a estas moradas y que otros anduviesen el camino. Pues no es esto posible, esforcémonos, hermanas mías, por amor del Señor; dejemos nuestra razón y temores en sus manos; olvidemos esta flaqueza natural, que nos puede ocupar mucho. El cuidado de estos cuerpos ténganle los prelados; allá se avengan; nosotras de solo caminar a prisa para ver este Señor; que, aunque el regalo que tenéis es poco o ninguno, el cuidado de la salud nos podría engañar; cuánto más que no se tendrá más por esto, yo lo sé; y también sé que no está el negocio en lo que toca al cuerpo, que esto es lo menos; que el caminar que digo es con una grande humildad; que si habéis entendido, aquí creo está el daño de las que no van adelante; sino que nos parezca que hemos andado pocos pasos y lo creamos así, y los que andan nuestras hermanas nos parezcan muy presurosos, y no solo deseemos sino que procuremos nos tengan por la más ruin de todas.

Y con esto este estado es excelentísimo; y si no, toda nuestra vida nos estaremos en él y con mil penas y miserias. Porque, como no hemos dejado a nosotras mismas, es muy trabajoso y pesado; porque vamos muy cargadas de esta tierra de nuestra miseria, lo que no van los que suben a los aposentos que faltan. En estos no deja el Señor de pagar como justo, y aun como misericordioso, que siempre da mucho más que merecemos, con darnos <<contentos>> harto mayores que los podemos tener en los que dan los regalos y distraimientos de la vida; mas no pienso que da muchos <<gustos>> si no es alguna vez, para convidarlos con ver lo que pasa en las demás moradas, porque se dispongan para entrar en ellas.

Pareceros ha que contentos y gustos todo es uno, que para qué hago esta diferencia en los nombres. A mí paréceme que la hay muy grande; ya me puedo engañar. Diré lo que en esto entendiere en las moradas cuartas que vienen tras estas; porque como se habrá de declarar algo de los gustos que aquí da el Señor, viene mejor, y aunque parece sin provecho, podrá ser de alguno, para que, entendiendo lo que es cada cosa, podáis esforzaros a seguirlo mejor; y es mucho consuelo para las almas que Dios llega allí y confusión para las que les parece que lo tienen todo, y si son humildes moverse han a hacimiento de gracias; si hay alguna falta de esto, darles ha un desabrimiento interior y sin propósito; pues no está la perfección en los gustos, sino en quien ama más, y el premio lo mismo, y en quien mejor obrare con justicia y verdad.

Pareceros ha que de qué sirve tratar de estas mercedes interiores y dar a entender cómo son, si es esto verdad, como lo es. Yo no lo sé; preguntése a quien me lo manda escribir, que yo no soy obligada a disputar con los superiores, sino a obedecer, ni sería bien hecho. Lo que os puedo decir con verdad es que, cuando yo no tenía ni aún sabía por experiencia ni pensaba saberlo en mi vida (y con razón, que harto contento fuera para mí saber o por conjeturas entender que agradaba a Dios en algo), cuando leía en los libros de estas mercedes y consuelos que hace el Señor a las almas que le sirven, me le daba grandísimo y era motivo para que mi alma diese grandes alabanzas a Dios.

Pues si la mía, con ser tan ruin, hacía esto, las que son buenas y humildes le alabarán mucho más; y por solo una que le alabe una vez es muy bien que se diga, a mi parecer, y que entendamos el contento y deleites que perdemos por nuestra culpa. Cuánto más que si son de Dios vienen cargados de amor y fortaleza, con que se puede caminar más sin trabajo e ir creciendo en las obras y virtudes. No penséis que importa poco que no quede por nosotros, que cuando no es nuestra falta, justo es el Señor, y Su Majestad os dará por otros caminos lo que os quita por este por lo que Su Majestad sabe, que son muy ocultos sus secretos; al menos será lo que más nos conviene, sin duda ninguna.

Lo que me parece nos haría mucho provecho a las que por la bondad del Señor están en este estado -que, como he dicho, no les hace poca misericordia, porque están muy cerca de subir a más-, es estudiar mucho en la prontitud de la obediencia; y aunque no sean religiosos, sería gran cosa -como lo hacen muchas personas- tener a quien acudir para no hacer en nada su voluntad, que es lo ordinario en que nos dañamos; y no buscar otro de su humor, como dicen, que vaya con tanto tiento en todo, sino procurar quien esté con mucho desengaño de las cosas del mundo, que en gran manera aprovecha tratar con quien ya le conoce para conocernos, y porque algunas cosas que nos parecen imposibles, viéndolas en otros tan posibles y con la suavidad que las llevan, anima mucho y parece que con su vuelo nos atrevemos a volar, como hacen los hijos de las aves cuando se enseñan, que aunque no es de presto dar un gran vuelo, poco a poco imitan a sus padres. En gran manera aprovecha esto, y yo lo sé.

Acertarán -por determinadas que estén en no ofender al Señor personas semejantes- no se meter en ocasiones de ofenderle; porque como están cerca de las primeras moradas, con facilidad se podrán tornar a ellas; porque su fortaleza no está fundada en tierra firme, como los que están ya ejercitados en padecer, que conocen las tempestades del mundo, cuán poco hay que temerlas ni que desear sus contentos, y sería posible con una persecución grande volverse a ellos, que save bien undirlas el demonio para hacernos mal, y que yendo con buen celo, queriendo quitar pecados ajenos, no pudiese resistir lo que sobre esto se le podría suceder.

Miremos nuestras faltas y dejemos las ajenas, que es mucho de personas tan concertadas espantarse de todo; y por ventura de quien nos espantamos podríamos bien deprender en lo principal; y en la compostura exterior y en su manera de trato le hacemos ventajas; y no es esto lo de más importancia, aunque es bueno, ni hay para qué querer luego que todos vayan por nuestro camino, ni ponerse a enseñar el del espíritu quien por ventura no sabe qué cosa es; que con estos deseos que nos da Dios, hermanas, del bien de las almas podemos hacer muchos yerros; y así es mejor llegarnos a lo que dice nuestra Regla: <<En silencio y esperanza procurar vivir siempre>>, que el Señor tendrá cuidado de sus almas. Como no nos descuidemos nosotras en suplicarlo a Su Majestad, haremos harto provecho con su favor. Sea por siempre bendito.